A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t […]
Why did the chicken go to the seance? To get to the other side.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the […]
How does a squid go into battle? Well-armed.
Why do birds fly to warmer climates in the winter?It’s much easier than walking!
Why do birds fly to warmer climates in the winter? It’s much easier than walking!
What streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends.
Which hand is better to write with?Neither, it’s better to write with a pen.
How do you talk to giants?Use big words!
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb. He just can’t […]
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm.
When does a joke become a “dad” joke? When the punchline is a parent.
I used to be addicted to soap. I am clean now.
Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
How do you make an egg roll?Just give it a little push
What was the most ground-breaking invention?A shovel.
What was Forrest Gump’s email password?1forrest1
What award did the inventor of knock knock jokes get?The No-bell prize.