How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
Jokes
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.
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What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
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When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
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When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?
Because when you find it, you stop looking.
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I used to be addicted to soap.
I am clean now.
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Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it.
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The only Christmas present that I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find that very hard to deal with.
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What does Santa do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack.
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What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
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What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
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Can you drop an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it?
Yes, concrete floors are very hard to break.
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How do you make an egg roll?
Just give it a little push
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Why is it so hard to tell a joke about retired people?
None of them work.
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Why shouldn’t you try writing with a broken pencil?
It’s pointless.
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What do you call a three-footed aardvark?
A yardvark.
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What was the most ground-breaking invention?
A shovel.
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To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my Word.
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What was Forrest Gump’s email password?
1forrest1
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Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
