What is the difference between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of pause, a comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
just for laughs
Which hand is better to write with?
Neither, it’s better to write with a pen.
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A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb. He just can’t part with it.
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I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
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When you die, what part of the body dies last? The pupils…they dilate.
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Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
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Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them.
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When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
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When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?
Because when you find it, you stop looking.
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Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it.
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The only Christmas present that I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find that very hard to deal with.
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What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
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Did you hear about the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.
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Can you drop an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it?
Yes, concrete floors are very hard to break.
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How can you tell by someone’s home if they’re a highway robber?
All the signs will be there.
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How do you make an egg roll?
Just give it a little push
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Why is it so hard to tell a joke about retired people?
None of them work.
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Why shouldn’t you try writing with a broken pencil?
It’s pointless.
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What do you call a three-footed aardvark?
A yardvark.
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