A guy offered to document my life in Microsoft Excel, but I said no. I don’t want him […]
What do you call a tired pea?Sleep-pea.
Did you hear about the two guys who stole a calendar?They each got six months.
What’s red and bad for your teeth?A brick.
How does a scientist freshen her breath?With experi-mints.
What did the fish say when he hit the wall? Dam.
Why are elevator jokes so classic and good? They work on many levels.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke? He won the ‘no-bell’ prize.
I once had a dream I was floating in an ocean of orange soda. It was more of […]
Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it!
What does a sprinter eat before a race? Nothing, they fast!
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? He lost his filling.
What is the difference between a cat and a comma? A cat has claws at the end of […]
Which hand is better to write with?Neither, it’s better to write with a pen.
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb. He just can’t […]
I was kidnapped by mimes once. They did unspeakable things to me.
When you die, what part of the body dies last? The pupils…they dilate.
Though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player. Love means nothing to them.
Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them.