Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them.
When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?
Because when you find it, you stop looking.
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it.
The only Christmas present that I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find that very hard to deal with.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Did you hear about the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.
Can you drop an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it?
Yes, concrete floors are very hard to break.
How can you tell by someone’s home if they’re a highway robber?
All the signs will be there.
How do you make an egg roll?
Just give it a little push
Why is it so hard to tell a joke about retired people?
None of them work.
Why shouldn’t you try writing with a broken pencil?
What do you call a three-footed aardvark?
What was the most ground-breaking invention?
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.
You have my Word.
What was Forrest Gump’s email password?
Why did the picture go to jail?
Because it was framed.
When is a door not a door?
When it’s ajar.
What award did the inventor of knock knock jokes get?
The No-bell prize.