How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?You rocket!
dad jokes
What did one plate whisper to the other plate?Dinner is on me.
Why does Santa go down the chimney? Because it soots him!
What goes “Oh, Oh, Oh”? Santa walking backwards!
What was Santa’s favourite subject in school? Chemis-tree!
Who is never hungry at Christmas? The turkey—he’s always stuffed.
What’s every elf’s favorite type of music? Wrap!
What is the best Christmas present in the world? A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
If you call a big turkey a gobbler, what do you call a small one? A goblet.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the […]
Why did the Daddy rabbit go to the barber?He had a lot of little hares.
Why can’t you ever tell a joke around glass?It could crack up.
What’s Thanos’ favorite app to talk to friends?Snapchat.
Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other […]
And God said to John, “Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.” But John came fifth […]
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back? He was dead-lifting.
I’ve recently not been getting along with Excel We don’t have the same values.
A guy offered to document my life in Microsoft Excel, but I said no. I don’t want him […]
What did one elevator yell to the other?I’m falling!
The World of Momus 
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