I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

Why did the gum cross the road?  It was stuck to the chicken’s foot!

What do cows order from?  Cattle-logs!

What do you call a sleeping bull?  A bulldozer!

Why did the man run around his bed?  Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner

When you die, what part of the body dies last? The pupils…they dilate.

Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry

Did you hear about the population of Ireland?It’s Dublin.

Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed.

What do you call a guy who never farts in public?A private tutor.