I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Why did the math book look so sad? Because of all its problems.
What do you call a dinosaur fart? A blast from the past.
Why did the gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken’s foot!
What do cows order from? Cattle-logs!
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
Why did the man run around his bed? Because he was trying to catch up on his sleep!
What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why do dragons sleep during the day? So they can fight knights!
What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner
Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school
When you die, what part of the body dies last? The pupils…they dilate.
I used to be addicted to soap. But I’m clean now.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry
Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course! The Empire State Building can’t jump!
What street do ghosts haunt?Dead ends.
Did you hear about the population of Ireland?It’s Dublin.
Why was the sand wet? Because the sea weed.
What do you call a guy who never farts in public?A private tutor.