Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them.
silly jokes
What stays in the corner yet can travel all over the world?
A stamp.
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How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
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What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.
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What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
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When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
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When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?
Because when you find it, you stop looking.
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I used to be addicted to soap.
I am clean now.
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Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it.
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How does a squid go into battle?
Well armed !
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The only Christmas present that I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find that very hard to deal with.
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What does Santa do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack.
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What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
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What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
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Did you hear about the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.
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Can you drop an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it?
Yes, concrete floors are very hard to break.
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How can you tell by someone’s home if they’re a highway robber?
All the signs will be there.
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How do you make an egg roll?
Just give it a little push
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Why is it so hard to tell a joke about retired people?
None of them work.
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Why shouldn’t you try writing with a broken pencil?
It’s pointless.
