Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them.
Why are ghosts bad liars?
Because you can see right through them.
What stays in the corner yet can travel all over the world?
A stamp.
How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.
What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!
When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.
When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?
Because when you find it, you stop looking.
I used to be addicted to soap.
I am clean now.
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
Right where you left it.
How does a squid go into battle?
Well armed !
The only Christmas present that I got this year was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I find that very hard to deal with.
What does Santa do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Did you hear about the man who stole an advent calendar?
He got 25 days.
Can you drop an egg on a concrete floor without cracking it?
Yes, concrete floors are very hard to break.
How can you tell by someone’s home if they’re a highway robber?
All the signs will be there.
How do you make an egg roll?
Just give it a little push
Why is it so hard to tell a joke about retired people?
None of them work.
Why shouldn’t you try writing with a broken pencil?
It’s pointless.